12 Ways to Find Hope & Build Motivation during COVID-19

You may be looking back wondering what you were doing this time last year only to feel despondent that it was still what you are doing this year—trying to cope with the pandemic as best you can. When the pandemic reared its ugly head, the ground shifted out from under you affecting every area of your life. You have been doing the best you can to take care of your family, manage complexities of work without a break room, zooming into the tapestry of cyber world just to stay connected with relatives, or possibly grieving the loss of friends or family members with little support. You adjusted as best you could feeling like you were in a vacuum inside while outside there were pressures of political and social unrest. Tensions could be felt in your neck and with others—some whom you thought you really knew, but now feel bolded over with disappointment. And while a vaccination heralds in the news, futility sets in not knowing how long it will be until you get your phase in line.

This time of year you may typically be planning—planning for a vacation, summer camps for children, family reunions, and weddings. Planning for the future gives us hope for the future. Having something to look forward to motivates us to keep moving forward. But you stop short of writing checks for the deposits and pause thinking,

“What’s the use? Why have hope?”

Within the seed of planning exists the promise of hope. Within hope there is creativity, Within creativity there is the awe of life. It’s the very same awe that rolled out a huge belly laugh as a kid when you cracked up over simple “stupid stuff.” It’s the pleasant awe of surprise when you made a “mistake” cooking the family recipe only to find a new ingredient that made the Italian sauce tastier. It’s the simple beauty of a majestic sunset over the ocean remembered from five years ago you hope to find each time you return.

“Okay. So how do I find my hope?”

Hope can be found being present in the awe of life. It invites you to create a subtle change by moving it forward with life. It is discovered as the sunflower’s first leaf stretches out of your starter seeds, the excitement from the splash of a newly mixed color on the canvas, the new connection with an old friend, and teaching your puppy to perform her first trick. There it is. There is hope. It’s found in the simple moment of life ready for you to make a wish on it for more to come.

“How do I grow my hope?”

Discovering what gives life to you becomes the fertile seed of awe in the soil for hope to grow. The good news is that it’s rarely something expensive or requires you to take a week off from work. Consider these questions to catapult hope with a spark, flick, flash or a dash:

1. What comforts you?

Can you make a basket of items under $15 that rejuvenates you in a pinch? Fill it with lotions, herbal teas, samples of chocolate (the good kind…), cozy socks, mints, aromatherapy candles, and a magazine. Is it a bath with a warm towel from the dryer that calms you? A vegetarian hearty dish?

2. What brings you joy—not happiness that depends on what happens, but pure joy?

Blowing bubbles laughing with your those in your bubble, watching birds gather around bird feed, listening to children laugh while playing outside, or looking at pictures of your family fireside?

3. How do you manifest creativity?

Creativity is the essence of engaging you in what is life-giving. Seeing something come alive from your hands or mind is like a projector screen of the soul—what was once a blank canvas, lump of clay or barren ground magically turns into a painting, vase, or garden all because of you and your creativity. Drawing, sewing, cooking, flower arranging, or writing a poem or short story may strike you with your own awe.

4. How do you honor yourself?

Do you take in your awe? When was the last time you acknowledged all you did in a day? A week? This last year? Include the small stuff and the big stuff of wonder! Write yourself a letter of congratulations and mail it to yourself.

5. What restores your calm?

Relaxing with a bubble bath, hiking on a trail by a creek, taking up a new hobby or taking the old one off of the shelf, or having a private moment in the shower with the warm water on your shoulders before everyone awakes may be all you need to create a shift of awe-hah.

6. How do you replenish your body?

Hydrating with a cold glass of spearmint and lemon water, taking multi-vitamins, moving with gentle stretches, taking brisk walks, or massaging your scalp after you apply hair conditioner?

7. What brings you relief?

Talking to a friend or counselor, letting go of an old hurt that’s weighing you down with a release ritual, asking for help, or accepting the situation you have been resisting?

8. How do you manifest hope?

Collage a vision board, take big goals for what you want to do after the pandemic and put in place mini-modified steps within reach to work towards them now, or make a list of possibilities of incredible dreams? Go ahead. Reach for your stars.

9. How do you use your resilience to take on bigger goals or challenges as you say “I did______so I can ______?”

Can you map out a move to a new area by yourself because you moved in the middle of high school? Travel by yourself internationally because you did it while in college?

10. In the Bible the words “confident hope” are repeated with the synonymous meaning of the word “faith.” If we examine the word “confidence” it means con=with & fidence=trust. Is there a spiritual belief that keeps you grounded and reassured with hope with God or a higher Being you trust? Have you experienced awe in your spiritual practice or in life when you least expected it? Do you enjoy sentimental rituals for worshiping? Is there a daily prayer book by your nightstand? Do you have a day/time of the week to center yourself in peace? Do you find comfort in prayer?

11. What helps you stay present to the moment?

Breath work, doing yoga, practicing mindfulness, falling asleep easily in the midst of yoga Nedra, watching the sunrise with your grandmother’s China cup filled with warm lavender and vanilla tea cupped in your hands, honoring the seasons with their dependable and reliable constants during change—winter's fresh snowfall on a hillside, fall’s leaves as they get painted almost overnight, summer’s dew grass between your toes in the morning and fireflies at night, and spring’s burst of bouquets rising after crisp rain showers.

12. What kindness do you offer your world?

Offering a kind act to another you would like to receive embraces an awe of hope. Paint a stone of hope and leave it on a park bench for another and walk off only to look back to see someone find it. Compliment a friend on her efforts with a note. Pick up trash on a hike. Walk your neighbor’s dog because she had to take the extra shift at the hospital working in the ICU during the pandemic.

If you feel like therapy would be helpful in regaining motivation and hope, please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 for your free 15-minute consultation.

One easy way to decrease stress and anxiety during COVID-19 with 12 benefits

Life doesn’t seem to care that there is a pandemic. The washing machine breaks. Your car won’t start. Your roof leaks. You have a full blown argument with your partner. Or worse—this all happens during the same week. The everyday stressors not only mount, but may require a new approach during COVID-19 as people may have less patience, services limited, and materials being less available and/or more costly. Knowing how to cope when many stressful events happen simultaneously can help you move through this unprecedented time with more ease.

I recently learned about making burden baskets as seen in Native American and African cultures. The basket acts as a container to hold all of your concerns. While no basket weaving is required (even though it is a relaxing process) follow me here. Just grab yourself a pen, paper, and some simple drawing art materials if you would like. If you have a basket, that’s great. Grab it too. Any container will do.

Write each concern you have on a separate piece of paper and place it in the basket. You can even draw an image to go with each concern using colors and simple images to represent your feelings. Just writing or drawing out the concern will help you acknowledge it and elicit a sense of validation. Writing your worries and placing them in your burden basket also has the following benefits:

1. Giving a place to contain your feelings so you are less likely to ruminate about them

2. Acknowledging your feelings decreases the inclination to avoid them which in turn decreases anxiety

3. Staying focused on what is relevant

4. Prioritizing what needs to be done so you don’t feel so overwhelmed

5. Decreasing the chance you will react to a problem and instead gives distance to reflect on it and respond to it with more objectivity

6. Giving you space from the problem

7. Helping you think of other options not first in your awareness for better strategy

8. Gaining more perspective

9. Noticing themes not first seen

10. Seeing relatedness between issues

11. Prioritizing your energy and attention to go the distance

12. Creating a path or plan for tackling each issue to decrease worrying about it because you acknowledged it.

As each problem gets resolved, remove it from your basket and replace it with an image or token of healing. Pay it forward if you will. Share this basket filled with symbols of love and healing with someone who is having a difficult time.

I hope your burdens are few at this time and wish you and yours wellness. If you feel overwhelmed and need assistance, please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 for a free 15-minute consultation.

How to Cope with Loneliness During COVID-19

When I was a second grader there was a folklore story we read called “Stone Soup.”  My teacher told the story of how villagers, estranged and untrusting of one another, came together and experienced unity by contributing their vegetables to make a delicious vegetable soup to share.  More importantly having experienced unity, they felt a common abundance by opening their hearts.  Such story made an impression on me that we are better when we come together and share in time of need.  

The prevention of COVID-19 spreading requires us to do a “different” kind of coming together:  In order to help one another we have to be socially distant—possibly just the opposite response we are used to experiencing which may go against our natural response— especially in crisis:  We are social animals and need each other to survive, and we validate each other to feel safe and protected.  You may be experiencing more of this feeling of isolation if you are separated from your family or if you have been furloughed or laid off from work. 

While villagers came together around the fire in Stone Soup, we may find ourselves gathering around a more modern “campfire” such as Face Time, Zoom, or Google Hangout, but still feel isolated without the social face-to-face interaction and personal contact of a hug, touch or embraced greeting.  Isolation may lead to feelings of loneliness and this can set off feelings of fear or anxiety especially as it is unknown when quarantines will end and cafes will open again.  Conversations with oneself can open internal dialogues with negative narratives of insecurities, fears and flaws. By understanding the symptoms of loneliness before they creep up on us, we can become aware, take action, and seek help.

Symptoms of Loneliness

• Insomnia

• Social Withdrawal

• Being suspicious of others’ intents

• Unexplainable feelings of hostility or aggression towards others

• Seeing people as a threat instead of as helpful

• Mulling over things

• Ruminating over the past

• Self-pity

• Hopelessness

• Fretting/excessive worry

• Taking things too much to heart

• Acting “grumpy”

• Loss of what was meaningful

• Feeling a loss of control 

• Isolating more 

• Impulsivity

• Increase in depression

• Binge eating and/or drinking

• Decrease in overall health or illness

• Change in outlook

• Change in social skills

• Hyper-awareness of more negative interactions

25 Ideas to Counter Loneliness by Connecting Using Your 5 Senses

After we log-off our Zoom, Face Time or Google Hangout, we may find ourselves feeling lonely without a presence  of others around our modern “campfire.”  While we cannot gather together making a Stone Soup with others now, we can “fool our brains” that we are connecting by using our 5 senses.  Try to engage your senses of sight, smell, hearing, seeing, and tasting with their relation to others peeps in your life.  The sense of smell is directly wired to the olfactory of the brain while other senses require an “extra circuit.”  So try those sensorial experiences that combine scent for a boost:

• Collage pictures of family or friends and put them in your field of vision

• Plan a gathering after COVID-19 to look forward to (BBQ anyone?)

• Call/FT a friend vs. text to hear his/her voice

• Listen to recordings of people singing (i.e. chorus; bands etc.)

• Go for a walk and wave to neighbors

• Cook a healthy family recipe that reminds you of a loved relative

• Admire a neighbor’s garden and ask for tips in an email

• Pretend you are dancing with a partner

• Light luminaries with neighbors in solidarity

• Eat food you ate on a previous vacation with others-contact them again with pics

• Wrap yourself in a blanket that was made by a grandparent

• Cuddle with a stuffed animal—no matter how old you are!  It still registers to your brain…

• Open windows to hear children’s laughter to decrease feeling enclosed

• Hold and admire an heirloom and think fond thoughts of everyone who has shared it

• Create a positive social challenge 

• Play a music instrument on your front porch for passersby

• Read a book with friends online

• Give yourself a “Butterfly hug” (Wrap your arms around each elbow and pat!)

• Tell yourself a soothing saying that someone said to you in the past—pass it on

• Draw a mandala sidewalk chalk art for people strolling by (See Instagram #mandalahugs)

• Hold a cup of warm tea, smell it and drink it slowly remembering sharing it with another

• Light a scented candle that reminds you of home

• Wrap yourself in a scarf with a scent of someone you love

• Put a blanket in a dryer and snuggle in it

• Sit in the sunlight in a room and meditate on a past summer vacation with friends

I wish you and your family and friends good health during theses times. Be safe and well. If you should need to reach me, I am available for telemental health therapy. Please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 for a free 15-minute consultation.

How to help yourself and your children coping with anxiety during this time of COVID-19

Your self-care could not be more important than at a time when you are needed most. While we are learning the appropriate ways to prevent COVID-19 from spreading from reliable sources like the CDC such as washing our hands thoroughly, keeping social distance, eating healthy to maintain strength, appropriate cleaning, it’s imperative to attend to our emotional needs as our emotions affect our body and overall wellness. If you’re caring for others such as family members, young children or as a person on the front line, please know your care is important too. I often think of the airplane “oxygen mask” routine in times like these: Give yourself care and you are better able to care for those who need you. Caring for yourself is not selfish. It is imperative.

STOP & ACT

S= Stock Up. Have you stocked up on items you need to care for yourself as well as others? You need the basics as well as things that may help you personally such as getting an enjoyable magazine, scented candle, ..ok…yes…even chocolate…perhaps a notebook for journaling and art materials for self-expression…(see my list in previous blog for 100 ways to cope with anxiety under 45 minutes and under $10). There are numerous ways to go online to benefit from resources such as museums and libraries.

T= Think. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with so much information. Can you limit your digest to three reliable sources for information to rely on and check in periodically as needed per day? Can you identify your feelings and think of them in context so you do not get overwhelmed? (See previous blog “What If?” to “What is?” thinking)

O=Options. It’s easy to get trapped in black & white thinking when we feel very stressed especially if you have survived a previous trauma. Taking time to think of options you have, may create distance between extremes in thinking. Some ways to address stress especially in time of social distancing may be: Reading books and magazines that are positive, learning a new language online, getting outside for fresh air, cooking healthy family recipes or new recipes, meditating, resting, making art, playing games/puzzles etc.)

P=Practice. Practice living with balance by checking in to these four areas: Ask yourself “What are my physical needs, emotional needs, social needs & spiritual needs?” (see previous blog)

ACT

A=Altruistic Acts. Calling an elderly neighbor, waving to police officers and thanking them and/or making a simple gift for another are ways to be altruistic. These simple and random acts of kindness can make us feel connected and go a long way—not only for ourselves but for others too.

C=Compassion. How can you be compassionate to yourself? This is the time more than ever to speak loving words to yourself and to others. Replace self-criticism and judgement with loving and positive phrases and words. Notice and acknowledge what you are doing and what others are doing and thank yourself and thank others. Starting a gratitude journal can help realize simple goodness and therefore seek it and give more of that good light.

T=Talk healthy. Be sure to tell yourself positive and life-affirming statements and choose those peeps in your life that do the same. Negativity is toxic. So choose those peeps that are encouraging, hope-filled and loving and offer the same to them and to yourself. Be good to you—it is healthy and not selfish.

Helping Children? For children it may be difficult to process what is happening. They look to adults for love and support. Here’re ways to give them VIP CARE:

VIP CARE

V=Validate their feelings. While it may be well intended to tell them “not to worry” when they are feeling anxious as their schools close and they may be limited playing with their friends with social distancing, it is important to ask them how they feel and not to tell them what to feel. This opens the way for them to feel, to be understood and to develop trust especially when things feel so uncertain with their limited ability to understand what is happening as children. Help them find the words for feelings if they cannot find the words. Some children express feelings with visual images better than words.

I=Inform them cautiously. Children are curious. So give them simplified information that they can understand with their level age-appropriate understanding. It’s a delicate balance between overwhelming them and being honest. Just know that they know something is profoundly happening and some information can help, but keep it simple and positive as not to alarm them. Be sure to limit and/or monitor their on-line use especially 2 hours before their bedtime.

P=Practice personal care. Help them care for basic health needs attending to physical, emotional, spiritual and social needs. Encourage continued best practices and routines that have helped in the past as well as learning new ways of coping and self-care. Remember that you are their best role-model.

C=Check in with them. Be sure to check in with your children to make sure they are not isolating in fear or being overwhelmed. Be sure to ask them questions that are open-ended (not questions that are answered with a “yes” or “no”). You may ask them “How did you sleep last night? Did you have any dreams?” instead of “Are you okay?” which may be answered with a superficial “Yes.” You may want to be careful not to overwhelm them with your feelings. Check-in with them before or during meals or 3x a day (as not to overwhelm them with over-checking.). Sometimes children may regress emotionally when stressed. So be aware and know that it is not intentional.

A=Altruistic acts. Helping a child cope by doing altruistic acts reminds them that they are not alone and that they are connected with their micro and macro communities especially in times of social distancing. Can they make a card for the police department or send a text to an elderly neighbor? How about crafting a birthday gift for a family member? Telling the postal carrier “thank you” as they walk away having delivered the mail? Creating a banner in the front yard with freezer paper sending out a message of hope and love to neighbors? See my mandala sidewalk chalk art ideas on Instagram at #mandalahugs (Allow for each person to remain 6’ from the center of the circular mandala while individually basking in light, color, and the love from the metaphoric “hug” that the mandala gives. Always remain 6’ from others to abide by social distancing.)

R=Reassure them with your words and actions. Reassurance registers with children when your positive words mirror yours and others’ positive actions. Yes, it’s okay to tell them everything will be okay… and show them. They understand their world best with what they can see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. This happens directly with your showing them this with a hug or kind acts. Also broaden how the larger community is in action too: Let them know how hard local merchants are working to bring goods to the stores, how their fire department is on-call to help others, how hospitals are open all day and night to care for people, and let them know that they have caring professionals—teachers, doctors, therapists, etc. that are there to help them too.

E=Empower them. Help them make healthy choices that have healthy and positive consequences. This may be addressed with good food choices, attending to physical needs, choosing daily hygiene, socializing with “close” kindness even if physically distant, praying if this is in your family practice and/or other spiritual ways you practice, and having choices to express feelings and emotions with positive outlets. Children will often seek attention. If you give them positive ways to receive it, they will be less inclined to choose negative ways to get it.

I wish you and your family and friends good health during theses times. Be safe and well. If you should need to reach me, I am available for telemental health therapy. Please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 for a free 15-minute consultation.

The Ping-Pong Cycle of Anxiety

You may wonder, “Why can’t I calm down?” It’s hard to relax when persistent anxious thoughts of worry override your day. Anxiety, caused from trauma or major life changes like the loss of a loved one, divorce, empty nesting or moving, can cause a “ping-pong” cycle where you feel stuck between feeling stopped with futility and frustration and then thrusted forward with nervous energy.

Ping…

The intensity of anxiety can become so strong that you may find yourself avoiding your feelings and yourself by engaging in numbing activities like overeating, drinking, sleeping, or surfing social media. Your anxiety may stop for awhile, but it quickly resurfaces. The avoidance from numbing can cause feelings of fear, guilt, shame and obligation.

Pong…

Now because what you’re feeling anxious about has still not been resolved, you may find yourself staying so busy overworking, caretaking, or overextending yourself, you feel agitated because it’s difficult to calm down.

Life races back and forth like a ping-pong with little time for enjoyment and when you do slow down, your mind may race to catastrophic thoughts (What will I do if….???). Chronic anxiety left untreated can be harmful to your health and contribute to depression.

There is a way to stop this match of anxiety ping-pong from continuing with therapy by getting more heart centered. We get to the source of what is causing your anxiety and explore new ways for coping so that you feel more calm, confident and empowered again.

Call me for a free 15-minute consultation.

How to create a collage for relaxation

Sometimes just cutting and pasting paper and tinkering with paints can be so relaxing. You don’t have to have an any art experience or agenda to make a beautiful piece of artwork, just a desire to play—be a kid and welcome your muse. Creating a collage is very simple. Just follow these easy steps:

You will need the following materials:

Sheet of white watercolor paper

Black fine tip permanent marker

White Gesso

Paint brush

Stamp pads in various colors you like such as Distressing ink pads and pad

Stencil that creates a simple pattern

Assortment of colorful papers and images that are pleasing to you (and your muse!)

Glue and/or flat matte medium

Watercolors

Easy-breezy steps

1. Write free flowing thoughts on watercolor paper with fine tip permanent black marker. (Go ahead and let your thoughts flow—they will be covered up with paint and paper!)

2. Paint over your words using white gesso allowing some words to show.

3. Distress the paper using distressing ink pads and stamps.

4. Stencil the paper with another distress ink color to make 2-tone effect.

5. Make a design using the assortment of paper and images that is pleasing to you (You—)

6. Photo your design.

7. Glue your paper down using your photo as a reference. Use a glue stick or flat matte medium.

8. Add a quote if you’d like…

9. Highly your collage with watercolors and/or pull back colors with more gesso.

10. Wha-la! You’re done! Have fun admiring your creativity! You went from white paper to a collage all evident from using of your creative spirit!

If you would like to learn more about how to create art for relaxation and/or have questions regarding coping with depression and anxiety, please contact me for your free 15-minute phone consultation at 610.329.1684 or email me at info@createarttherapy.com.

Decrease your anxiety by dropping this one word

Many times anxiety can build when we start thinking of the worst possible outcomes.  We want comfort in certainty that we can handle whatever comes our way, so we start to entertain the “What if’s” in anticipation.  Before we know it, these rippling thoughts flood us and we are swiftly led down a current of overwhelm before anything has truly happened. 

 “What if?” questions begin to rapidly fire and plague the mind:  

…You learn your company lost a product line and you start to quickly think, “What if I l get laid off from my job?” 

…You’re all ready to go on a romantic vacation with your husband and you conjure, “What if our child gets sick while we’re away?”

…. You hear a siren and you reach for your phone to text your loved one in dread, “What if he’s been in a car accident?”

Instead of responding and taking action based on reality, we catapult into catastrophic thoughts and react. Not only does the “What if?” thought have a way of robbing us of the present moment, it can also pump our bodies with unwanted hormones placing demands on the sympathetic nervous system. Anxiety can even build into a full-blown panic attack by the spiraling thoughts we are feeding our minds.

 Catastrophic thoughts can come quickly to those with:

*  Hypersensitive systems

*  Emphatic sensitivity acutely aware of others (“empaths”)

*  Hypervigilant conditioning (flight-fight-freeze-flee states) from surviving trauma

*  Hyper-alert media sensitivity to current events

*  Careers prone to high degrees of stress &/or violence

 One way to calm down the sympathetic nervous system is to calm your mind.  Instead of auto-playing “What if” scenarios, try rehearsing “What is” moments  “What is” is based on the reality of being present to the here and now. Using your five senses to guide your thoughts gently back can quickly turn the nose dive of anxious thoughts back up and out of a downward tail spin.

 Stop for a moment the next time you hear yourself saying “What if?” and trade your “if” in for an “is”:

“What is it I’m seeing right now?”

“What is it I’m smelling right now?”

“What is it I’m feeling right now?”

“What is it I’m tasting right now?”

“What is it I’m hearing right now?”

Look out your window. 

Do you see the blue sky with robust clouds at sunset gently twirling in shades of pink and orange drifting onto the horizon? 

Go outside. 

Do you smell the fresh cut grass and notice the buds beginning to blossom in shades of pink with lace petals? 

Do you feel the cool breeze gently brush against your face? 

Listen to the children outside playing chase. 

Do you hear them laughing and squealing with delight? 

Have a cup of mint and lavender tea. 

Do you smell the spearmint as the tealeaves turn the water a light shade of green?  How does it taste?  Can you feel the warmth from the cup in the palm of your hands?

When you rehearse “What is” all of a sudden you feel yourself breathe and exhale deeper, sense your heart beating a little slower, and notice an upturned grin. You feel yourself calming down—almost as though everything will be okay, because in this moment, it is.

If you find that you need help coping with anxiety, trauma or depression and would like to learn more ways for managing stress, please contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation at 610.329.1684 or email me at info@createarttherapy.com.

6 Points for Identifying a Healthy Relationship

While I was taking post-graduate classes, I was in awe when my professor said that about 25% of the population is comprised of sociopaths.  25%!  My jaw dropped.  He said that the reason why we don’t recognize the number as being so high is that many times it is difficult to spot sociopaths because their behaviors are so covert and too many times they are people you think you can trust.  Who they present themselves to be, is seldom who they really are.    Amy Lewis Bear’s book From Charm to Harm:  The Guide to Spotting, Naming, and Stopping Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships does a great job explaining harmful interactions so they can be more easily and quickly recognized.

While we want to avoid sociopaths and may have to brush up against toxic people, we don’t want to shut ourselves off from the world.  The remaining 75% of folks out there are most likely awesome human beings!  So how do we create some “set points” and “check points” to understand who we want to have relationships with and to what extent?

Create A “Set Point” for Relationships:  Does this relationship set well with you?

1.     Set a standard of safety.  Be able to identify a safe person from an unsafe person.  Townsend & Cloud’s Safe People:  How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Avoid Those Who Aren’t expands on Amy Lewis Bear’s guide.  What does your gut say?  Do you honor your intuition even if you don’t have all of the answers yet?

2.     Set a time.  Take your time.  Don’t be in a rush.  Observe the other person especially with their interactions with others.  Do they want you to commit quickly?  Do they gush with compliments only to have an agenda?  Do their words align with their actions?  Time will usually be a great agent for truth.

3.     Set boundaries.  Know your personal boundaries. What does it mean to you to be respected and reciprocated?  Can this person accept your “no”? Do you feel honored around this person?  Do you feel confused by their actions/inactions/words?  Are you questioning yourself more?  Feeling more obligation, guilt, shame or fear? 

Create a “Check Point” for Relationships:  Does this relationship check out?

4.     Check in with yourself.  Know the difference between being able to be alone vs. isolating oneself and being lonely.  Do you feel self-sufficient?  Do you love yourself?  Can you be okay being alone or do you feel you need to always be with others?  Do you feel you isolate yourself?  Can you still keep your identity and not enmesh?  Can you readily give yourself permission to end the relationship if it is toxic/unhealthy/hurtful?

5.     Check in with your tribe. Have a tribe of safe peeps who share mutual respect and mutual reciprocity.  Are you keeping your friends and family relationships?  How would you imagine your tribe first meeting this person?  How do they respond to this new person?  Do you listen to their impressions?

6.     Check in with your spirituality gauge.  For me, I call it my God-Gauge.  Sitting in prayerful meditation, I seek to know if this person is who God would desire for me to have in my life.  I almost always, always get an answer!

If you want to learn how therapy can help you, please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 or email me at info@createarttherapy.com for a free 15-minute consultation.

One Main Ingredient Every Healthy Relationship Should Have: Salt.

Salt?  Yes, salt.  A good relationship is like salt.  It has these common characteristics:

It’s a preservative. 

How do you keep your relationship alive?

How do you protect it from harm or injury?

What promises do you make to each other?

How have you celebrated making it through hard times?

It’s a curative.

How do you restore the relationship?

What salves do you have on hand to remedy hurt?

How do you help one another?

What do you do to keep your relationship healthy?

Its’ an enhancer.

How do you bring out the best in each other?

What enriching things do you do for your relationship?

How are you working to improve the relationship? Yourself?

How do you show appreciation for one another?  How often?

How do you suppress bitterness?

It’s a nutrient.

How do you nourish your relationship?  How often?

What gives your relationship energy?

What builds your relationship?

It’s a binding agent. 

What keeps you truly committed or sticking together?  In the tough times?

It’s a unit measure of exchange.

Do you feel mutually respected?

Do you both mutually reciprocated?

It’s shaped like infinity.

Need I say anything more?

Call me at 610.329.1684 for your free 15-minute consultation to learn more about how therapy can help you to have healthier relationships.

How to Create a Positive Intention for Yourself

Creating a positive intention for yourself can impact your choices and actions. So it’s important to know what elements make an intention more powerful. Start with these basics:

1. Make your intention positive. Sometimes people will write an intention stating what they don’t want to happen. Write your intention as though it is what you imagine happening in your life that is positive.

2. Make your intention in the current tense. Writing your intention as though it is happening in the “here & now” versus in the future is more empowering. So instead of saying “I will” state your intention with “I am.”

3. Make sure your intention is with the first person instead of third person. State your itention using “I” instead of “you.”

An example may be:

“I am enjoying feeling more companionship in my life with healthy and trusting friends.”

Notice how this intention is first person (“I”), positive, and present tense (“I am enjoying..”).

Go ahead—make your intention!

If you are going through a major life transition and/or need help coping with anxiety, depression or trauma, please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 or info@createarttherapy.com to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to learn how therapy may help you today.

4 Ways to Reduce Anxiety & Have a Healthy Lifestyle

One reason people feel anxious may be because life has started to feel out of balance.   Checking in with yourself to see if you are managing four basic areas of your lifestyle can be a quick way to see what areas of your life need to be addressed.  Take a piece of paper and fold it in four sections.  Label each section with the following heading:

Physical

Emotional

Social

Spiritual

Start to fill in each section with how you are addressing each lifestyle area.  Think in terms of what you are doing weekly to attend to each area.

Physical aspects of caring may include:

• Getting daily exercise by doing something you enjoy

• Eating a healthy and balanced diet

• Drinking enough water daily

• Getting appropriate health care if in need

• Taking any necessary medication and/or supplements

• Reducing exposure to toxins

• Getting massages to reduce tense muscles

• Stretching with basic gentle yoga movements

• Having appropriate eye wear

• Getting fresh air and sunlight

• Getting enough sleep

• Having a sleep routine

• Participating in a team sport

• Grooming with products that promote calmness

• Having a clean and organized home and working area

Emotional considerations:

• Having a trusted person to discuss feelings with

• Writing thoughts and feelings in a personal journal

• Keeping a gratitude list

• Going to a support group

• Having a healthy outlet to discharge stress

• Checking in with your personal boundaries

• Reading books for personal growth/inspiration

• Having something fun to look forward to

• Giving yourself time to be alone to recharge

• Listening to uplifting music

• Treating yourself to simple and inexpensive indulgences

• Providing loving self-care with a bubble bath, pedicure, manicure etc.

Social Ideas:

• Going out with a friend

• Calling/Face-timing a friend

• Belonging to social groups that meets regularly

• Actively pursuing a hobby or interest

• Volunteering

• Making sure you are not isolating

• Helping a cause that is important to you

• Finding ways to engage with your local community

• Finding a special interest group in your area such as a Meet Up group

• Host a simple gathering

• Gather friends for a charity cause

Spiritual Topics:

• Worshiping in a way that reflects your beliefs and values

• Praying for yourself and for others

• Expressing spiritual feelings/thoughts with music or art

• Being with a community of those with similar beliefs

• Having quiet time to meditate or pray

• Having a weekly time to practice with others

• Having a weekly time to practice your faith by yourself

• Creating a simple ritual for a self-blessing and healing

• Creating a prayer list for yourself

• Creating a prayer list for others

• Reading inspirational or books of prayer

• Visiting a place that is healing for you

• Creating 20-minute quiet time for meditation

If you find that you are feeling anxiety is difficult for you to manage, please call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation at 610.329.1684 or contact me at info@createarttherapy.com.

100 Ideas on How to Reduce Anxiety with Little Cash and Limited Time

Easy ways to reduce anxiety & manage stress

What gets in your way of being able to manage stress?

While I was running a stress management group in a hospital, inevitably the consensus that made managing stress difficult was:

a.) Not having enough time and

b.) Not having enough money. 

So taking away those constraints, I challenged patients to explore reducing stress under 45 minutes and for less than $10.00.  For creative problem solving everyone made magazine collages to explore possibilities.  By the end of one hour, not only did patients have new ideas for reducing their stress, but they were able to benefit from the group’s collective ideas.  Debunking the money and time myths made managing stress …well...manageable. 

Making stress management manageable and maybe even a little playful

Over the last 25 years, I have seen so many people benefit from this collage experiential.  What I found most interesting was that when time was reduced and funds were limited, it brought out the kid in most adults and an element of playfulness reappeared.   It turned out that the need for lavish and expensive activities burdened with high costs and reserved for large amounts of time were making stress reduction prohibitive.  Stress management was causing stress!  Once these stressors of high expectations of money and time were removed and replaced with a mini-recess and trinkets, child-like spirits reappeared with carefree playfulness.

I have to admit that this concept had been beneficial for myself and even made me reflect on my childhood when I used to love to save my quarters and buy myself a small hamburger after reading books at the library.   It was the best feeling ever!  Another special memory was of my Sicilian grandmother always tucking a $1 bill in my pocket with a packet of gum after having Sunday dinner with her.  On the way home, I would go to the store and buy myself some simple pleasures and treasures:  Gum, stickers, baseball cards etc. or go to the neighborhood bakery and purchase a gingerbread cookie.  It was such fun to see how far I could stretch that $1!   While times have inflated the costs of bubblegum, the idea of getting a little treat can still make you feel like a million bucks…and while the Sun Rexall around the corner from my house in Texas is long gone, there always seems to be a dollar store around the turn of every corner!

If you find stress getting in the way of having a calm and peaceful life, please call me at 610.329.1684 to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.   

Permission to go play: 

50 Ideas for managing stress in under 45 minutes

* Go for a walk in a park and stop to swing on the swing set

* Ride a bike on a nearby trail

* Doodle in a sketchpad with markers or oil pastels

* Take up an old hobby that you used to enjoy

* Take a bubble bath for a nice long soak

* Plant bright flowers in a container planter or window box

* Find a Meetup group with your interest and make a play date with new playmates

* Visit or walk to your local farmers market and buy a new fruit or vegetable you’d like to try in a new healthy recipe

* Jump rope

* Take your camera/mobile phone on a “wonder walk” and take photos of what you notice

* Take a neighbor’s dog on a walk

* Volunteer with neighbors to clean or care for a mutually shared area

* Cook a new recipe

* Window shop

*Fly a kite

* Dry flowers and press in frame from the dollar store

* Dry flowers and make into paper with petals and recycled paper pulp

* Blow bubbles

* Dance by yourself in a room to really loud music

* Send yourself an inspiring card in the mail (Have a friend mail it to you so it’s a surprise)

* Try a new genre of music

* Sit by a stream and listen to water

* Play Frisbee

* Plant a free tree sapling

* Skip rocks

* Try out new art media samples at an art store

* Make a gratitude list

* Play with a yo-yo

* Attend a festival in a neighboring town with a friend

* Sample flavors of gelato at a gelatoria

* Bird watch from your deck—keep count of how many different species you see

* Fill a composition notebook with your daydreams and dreams

* Make an old family recipe with fresh herbs or ingredients

* Prepare a nice cup of tea

* Have a bubble gum blowing contest with your kids

* Take starter roots from a plant to repot and share one with a friend

* Make 02 loaves of homemade bread and give one to a neighbor in need

* Make a fruit salad and prepack it for lunch for the next day

* Look for earthworms with your kids and give them silly names (My kids still call them Henries to this day!)

* Save bulbs from spring flowers and plant in the fall for a splash of uplifting color in late winter/ early spring

* Watch sunlight glisten on a pond just before sunset

* Refinish or paint an old piece of furniture from a thrift store (Clean it, prep it, finish it-45 minutes of fun x 3)

* Visit a sporting event or arts event at your local high school

* Ride local transit to a local park or museum for a new perspective

* Attend a free lecture at your local library

*  See free movies in the park

*  Plant exotic plants in a terrarium

* Make a mandala

*  Visit museums on free public days

Being a kid in a candy store: 

50 ideas for managing stress for less than $10

* Magazine of your hobby or interest and explore new ideas

* Chocolate bar…really good chocolate

* An accessory for your hobby to rekindle an old interest (tackle for fishing, yarn for knitting, canvas for painting…)

* New fingernail polish

* New shade of lipstick

* Scented candle

* Potted houseplant

* Bouquet of flowers from a local farmers market

* Sachets for your closet or drawer

* Scented soap of lavender for relaxation

* Fun pen or set of pencils

* Set of stationery and some postal stamps to send a card to a friend

* Fun office supplies (notepads, paperclips, tape etc.)

* Take the beads off junk thrift store jewelry necklaces and restring into a new necklace or bracelet

* Scarf from a sales rack

* Older library books that are on-sale reduced or for free

* Travel section at the store to try new products like lotions, lip balms etc.

* Cup of specialty coffee or tea

* Fancy dessert at a café or bakery

* A tool for your home and learn new ways to use it for a craft or to fix something

* Scarves from thrift store to make a new window treatment

* Decorative paper napkins for lunch box or dinner

* Gelato or ice cream

* Comfy warm and soft socks

* Scented hand soap

* Blow bubbles (I did this once while stuck in Atlanta traffic and made fellow motorists smile!)

* Frame an inspirational greeting card

* Packet of seeds and soil

* Starter plant for a vegetable in a container

* Origami paper

* Composition notebooks filled for random inspiring thoughts

* Mix and matched saucers and teacups from a thrift store reserved for a nice cup of tea –for tea or for a nice tea cup floral arrangement

* Scented bubble bath

* Colorful fresh fruit for your fruit bowl

* Fresh mint for summer tea

* Bubble gum and make bubbles—big bubbles

* Scented pillow spray

* Lemons for lemonade

* Day-old bread for feeding ducks at a pond

*  Throw pillow

*  Fluffy cotton towel

*  Print of your favorite photograph

*  Eye shadow

*  Pair of earrings on sale rack or from a vintage store

*  Sidewalk chalk for making your mandala

*  Teddy bear (We are never too old for teddy bears!)

*  Nice glass for drinking water

*  A drop-in for a yoga class

*  An embroidery kit or cross stitch kit

*  A deck of playing cards with themes of flowers or places of travel

If you are finding anxiety difficult to manage, please feel free to call me at 610.329.1684 to contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn how therapy may help you today.

If you could paint a canvas full of all you hoped for in life, what possibilities would you see?

To help you get to know me and the excitement and passion I feel for all who come to CREATE for healing, I’ll share a little story with you about the seed of transformation planted early on for CREATE.

It all started over 6 years ago…

At 46, I unexpectedly became widowed with two teenagers. Eleven days after my husband of 24 years died, my son was accepted to a college 700 miles away from home and four days later, my daughter was to have celebrated turning 13.  Six months later, they both lost two grandparents.  Looking back at that time as a single, working, newly widowed mom, I felt like I was a Whirling Dervish all the while balancing Chinese porcelain plates spinning on sticks with each too precious to fall.  Even though I wrote my graduate thesis on loss and death and had worked with many young and old alike coping with loss, nothing could have prepared me for navigating such compounded losses for myself or for my children. 

As a seasoned and trained counselor, art therapist and artist, I did know one antidote that would help--making art. The simplest and smallest elementary gestures of self-expression became a beacon of light leading me out of the darkness of death. At first it was making simple doodles and then drawing light sketches in a journal. It did not matter if I could draw or make something that looked good—what started healing was the simple act of creating.  

Creating was life-giving and gave me hope.

Eventually every week I painted with other artists.  Being with others and creating at a time of loss breathed new life into me. I felt inspiration again.  Whenever I painted, the act of creating seemed to make death dissipate and diminish depression’s voracious appetite.  Death could not exist while creativity and self-expression was present.  Every day for three months at the studio, I worked on painting a portrait of my daughter so that when she came home from school, she could see new color on the canvas—a stroke of life and light kissing her face, tickling her toes, or brushing her shoulders that would somehow be an offering of hope and love to her.  Creating had a surprising and far-reaching effect not only making me feel more vital, yet also fostered hope and vitality for both of us.

Creating this painting made me begin to imagine how life may be like a canvas. Looking towards the future, I wondered what if I made a visual collage journal of all I could hope life could possibly bring. Believing that anything could be possible if I could let faith trump fear, I began filling pages of pictures of what I hoped for...

I hoped to live in a cottage home with a sunny front porch adorned with window boxes and surrounded by serene gardens with an attached art studio in a safe and friendly walking town with a farmers market and town festivals. 

I hoped for my children’s hearts to heal and for them to move forward getting great educations to reach their potentials, personal goals and dreams. 

I hoped for my faith to grow even at the bleakest time of my life.  

I hoped to make new girlfriends and host warm gatherings inviting them to widen their circle of friendships. 

I hoped to live by water and woods so that I could kayak and take long hikes with other kindred souls.   

I hoped for a bike with an attached wicker basket brimming over with flowers and filled with French bread from the local farmer's market.

I hoped to be able to travel easily by train and see places afar. 

I hoped to discover ways to study abroad so that I can learn about other cultures and continue educational pursuits. 

I hoped to open a private practice as a safe place for women to relax, kick off their shoes and feel empowered, celebrating and honoring their innate creativity all the while discovering new possibilities and making their new beginnings become a reality. Whether women made art or talked—the conversation and mission is the same:  Sitting with women as their hearts healed and reimagining and creating vibrant lives they were passionate about living.

And with grace and some (…okay, a lot of….) elbow grease and feeling scared to death at times (…many times…) it all came true.  I gave away one-third of all I owned, closed my old business, moved across the country with my teenage daughter, Golden Retriever, and two Beta fish in tow, moved into a cottage home in a walking town after a two-year search, got my kids off to college, made lots of new friends, and on my 49th birthday opened CREATE in Greater Philadelphia, Inc (Counseling Resources & Expressive Art Therapy for Empowerment)..

What do you hope for?

All you hope for is possible.  

Contact me today at 610.329.1684 or email me at info@createarrtherapy.com for a free 15-minute consultation and let’s talk about how therapy may help you begin creating a life you love and living it passionately.